Campus Safety to Refund Parking Tickets


Did you say… REFUND? Photo by: freepik

Don Cobblemann, Will be rich soon

Campus Safety staff has decided to refund all parking tickets students have received this semester, acknowledging construction of the new science building has put a strain on parking.

According to Mark Sumac, a junior philosophy major, parking spaces are at an all-time low. He sees this decision to refund tickets as only fair.

“Parking is such a mess here. I’ve possibly considered moving on campus or exploring other options,” Sumac said. “So, it’s only right that they do this. They owe us for incriminating us under impossible circumstances.”

Sumac received a ticket for parking in the lined spots on the ends of the parking spaces in Banks and was not pleased.

“They expect me to pay tuition to go here and a fee to get a parking pass and not park where I please? That’s not how that works. If I don’t see an open spot, I’m making one and it’s good to know I’m getting paid for that now,” Sumac said.

Billy Willy Georgetown, a campus safety officer, explained many issues leading up to the decision to cancel and refund all parking tickets.

“Walking sucks,” he said. “And people have to walk more because of that darn building. Who expects someone to trot to class from Passan?”

He also mentioned other problems like abandoned cars in the lot taking more space and students making parking spots, all of which caused him and his fellow officers to issue tickets.

“The student parking lots are sadly getting smaller. It’s becoming an epidemic. I’m glad Campus Safety has its own parking lot,” said Georgetown.

Some students disapprove of the parking ticket refund, though.

Hilda Highnose, a senior psychology major, said it’s the students’ fault they have received tickets.

“The parking lot has turned into a war zone of fast cars trying to squeeze their big Cadillac SUVs where not even a moped could fit,” said Highnose. “It is their own dumb fault for parking where they shouldn’t and being absolute idiots.”

Students have been talking about different solutions to the parking situation.

“We should just have open parking where all spaces are free game. That way there will be less tickets and more opportunity instead of parking by color,” said Sumac.

Sumac has submitted this idea to Campus Safety multiple times with no response.

“They’re becoming part of the problem. If you, the faculty, don’t know how to fix it, let the students have some input at least,” he said.

Georgetown agreed with the free-for-all parking.

“As long as Campus Safety keeps their parking spaces, I personally don’t care where you park,” he said. “Parking will continue to worsen, though, and my concern is for the students.”

Highnose believes no student cars should be allowed on campus.

“I don’t have a car on campus, so I can’t relate to the parking issue, but we should stop using cars anyway and work on bus transportation to control our greenhouse gas emissions. We won’t have any problem with parking if there’s no Earth to park on anymore,” she said.

Mike Bloomberg, who was recently named president of the university and only travels by helicopter, announced there will be a helicopter for students to access. Georgetown expressed concern for what the helicopter and its accompanying helipad may mean for parking.

“There may be more parking compromised soon,” he said. “Mike is very precise about where he wants his helipad and we don’t know what that may mean for us. All I know is tickets may not be a returning thing if we keep filling up this campus with more buildings.”

Students who have received a ticket will be refunded with endorsements from Santa Claus as soon as Campus Safety staff are allowed back on campus.