University to Sell Payne Printing Building


Netty Scribbles, Fake News Reporter

University officials announced that they intend to sell the Payne Printery building after failing to come to a decision on its use.

The announcement comes after months of meetings with faculty and students trying to find a suitable purpose for the building, which is located half a mile from campus.

“We just couldn’t decide, so selling it was the next best option,” said Bulah Hedges, Vice President of Finance. “Everyone had different ideas, but honestly, they were all bad, so I suggested just getting rid of it. No one liked that idea either, but it got to a point where I didn’t care.”

Hedges said officials were close to making a final decision on the building’s use in February when they were able to narrow down their choices using surveys and open meetings with the campus community. He was quick to add, however, that having fewer options to choose from only made coming to a decision even more difficult.

“It was between athletics and the health sciences, but the major obstacle was deciding which one was more important. It was clear that we were never going to agree,” he said.

He believes the choice was good and prevented the creation of more controversy.

“The meeting room was honestly getting really hostile, so I figured removing the object that was causing the problem was the best solution for everyone. I’m sure they’ll thank me later when we aren’t getting a million angry emails from everyone about how we didn’t make the best use of the building,” Hedges said.

Meridith Harlow, junior physical therapy major, sat in on many of the meetings on behalf of the health sciences. She was upset when she heard the building wasn’t going to be used at all.

“The health science majors are basically the most popular majors at this school. I don’t know why they wouldn’t have given it to us,” she said.

Nida Bliss, sophomore biology major, was surprised to hear about the university’s decision as well.

“As nice as the new science building is, I still think that building could have been a great opportunity to expand the greenhouse and science labs,” she said. “The ones they built are super small and with social distancing, it’s virtually impossible to not be cramped in them. I think having more labs would have been nice.”

The building will be put up for auction on Ebay, according to Hedges. He hopes this will increase the chances that will sell quickly.

“I’m honestly just so sick of it sitting there doing nothing,” Hedges said. “If we’re lucky, we’ll be able to find someone to lift it from its spot and move it somewhere other than Dallas.”

He said the money made from the building will go right back into improving the university.

“There are a few projects around campus we’ve been trying to find the money to fix up. We aren’t sure what those projects are, but I’m sure there’s something,” Hedges said. “Plus, I’ve personally enjoyed having the construction crew around, so I think it’ll be nice to keep them for a little while longer.”

Hedges expects the Payne building will gain a lot of attention on Ebay and be sold in no time.