English Professor Sets World Record for Pup Pics


Dr. Patrick Hamilton, professor of English, appears in a photo collage with his dog Leia. Guinness World Records plans to publish this photo in their latest edition, which will include Hamilton’s record for posting the most dog photos on social media.

Frances Furry, Lifestyles Reporter

Dr. Patrick Hamilton is the world record title holder for the most social media posts in one day by Guinness Book of World Records.

The English professor posts an average of 8,675,309 photos on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace combined, in each 24 hour period. Hamilton’s prolific posts beat the previous recorder holder, Kylie Jenner, by five photos.

What could Hamilton have to share with the world enough times to get a world record?

His dog Leia.

“I didn’t even realize I broke a record till I got an email. I was just doing what I do every day, which is sharing the cuteness that is Leia with the world,” Hamilton said.

Hamilton routinely posts photos of his dog, which is named after the iconic Star Wars character and believed to be a beagle mix. Hamilton admitted to posting about 1,861,22 photos of Leia daily on Instagram alone, often in various sitting and sleeping positions.

“Why wouldn’t people want to see my dog? She’s adorable,” Hamilton said. “I just can’t decide which angle shows Leia’s cuteness enough, so I’ll just post all of them. Nothing but the best for my Leia.”

Social media platform representatives released statements after the news broke, some celebrating and others expressing confusion.

“I cannot speak for the other social media platforms, but nothing like this has ever happened in the history of Instagram,” said Instagram’s CEO, Kevin Systrom.

Jack Dorsey, Twitter CEO, said the tweets about Leia were so constant that he thought they were spam.

“We actually thought he was a robot because of the rate he was posting. It didn’t seem possible for any human to do,” said Dorsey. “We tried to ban his account, but the notification never got through his constant posts. Hashtag awkward!”

Tim Vanderhook, MySpace CEO, took a more appreciative stance, encouraging Hamilton to keep posting content.

“No one better stop him. He’s the only reason we still exist,” he said.

Although Hamilton said he is happy about his historic win and all the attention his dog is receiving, other faculty members are furious.

“Do you know how many problems his posting has caused me? Too many to count on both hands,” said Dr. Austin Allan, who chose a pseudonym to remain anonymous. “I had to buy a new phone and even change my number because the notifications from his ‘important dog updates’ would kill my phone the second I unplugged it.”

Some faculty said they were forced to permanently log off of their social media just to escape Hamilton’s posts.

“I thankfully only use secret accounts now, but I had to delete my social media accounts so I don’t have to deal with Hamilton’s relentless posting,” said Dr. Melissa Sgroi, chair of the mass communications and design department. “It has become a real problem for his classes, though. I just find him sitting in his office all day posting photos. I don’t know if I’ve seen him teach once this semester.”

Junior political science major Meghan Markle said she enjoys having more laid back classes thanks to Leia.

“I haven’t minded it, honestly. Might be one of my easiest classes this semester but it’s nice to get a break,” she said. “All of our classes are just him showing pictures of his dog, and our homework has been liking his social media posts. I think our biggest assignment so far was a five-page paper complimenting his dog.”

Kylie Jenner refused to comment on her crown being stolen by Hamilton and Leia.

Leia said she barked with joy when she found out about the win.

“Ruff! Grrrr ruff ruff ruff ruff grr,” she said.

Other members of the university community continue to send Hamilton congratulations. They are excited to add another world record to their previous wins of most markers laid out in a row and the school surrounded by the most graveyards.