Mental health is the key to life. It shapes whether a person is happy and successful or whether they fall through life’s cracks. It has a drastic impact on someone’s personal and professional lives. It has the ability to make average people exceptional and exceptional people average. Anyone who has been alive on this earth for more than a few hours can see that life is hard, but the older you get, the harder it becomes.

I have suffered with mental health afflictions for most of my life. I suffer from the Long Island Iced Tea of mental health cocktails, as four conditions mix together to pack quite the heavy punch. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in elementary school, clinical depression reared its ugly head in middle school, anxiety joined the party in high school, and PTSD has been nice enough to make an appearance in the last 10 years. My struggles are part of the reason why I am graduating at age 39 and not 22.

For most of my teen and adult life, my clinical mental health afflictions suffocated whatever talent I had to offer the world. Teachers and family members were sad, disappointed that I seemed to waste my natural intelligence and the great opportunities in front of me. Many thought it was laziness. Why else would someone with natural ability and ample opportunity squander it?

This idea of laziness stuck with me and I believed it. It became my identity. I dropped out of college twice, I hopped back and forth from one aimless job to another for ten-plus years and watched friends become extremely successful in their careers and personal lives in their 20s, while I sat back and did nothing to change the life I hated so much.

Trauma and tragedy complicated things further in 2019, when my dad and my brother died two months apart from one another. I watched my brother die in front of my eyes, and PTSD became a new battle that I wasn’t able to overcome until my now ex-wife essentially forced me to go to therapy. It was the best gift anyone could ever have given me. Therapy and medication changed my life. I enrolled in college, and four years later I am days away from graduating.

I have accomplished more in these last four years than I did in my entire life before them. Before I graduate, I would like to give my unsolicited mental health advice to fellow students and faculty. I am not a trained mental health professional, but I am a guy who has battled with mental health disorders for longer than some of you reading this have been alive. These are my dos and don’ts based on my personal experience, and many of them coincide with the advice of most mental health experts.

Talk about your problems

One of the most important pieces of advice I can give is to talk about your problems. Obviously, a therapist is ideal, but even talking to friends, family or a partner can be a healthy release. Just be sure to pick someone who has an empathetic ear rather than someone who can’t wait to give their unsolicited advice (coming from the guy writing an entire article of unsolicited advice).

I have seen far too many loved ones crippled by their inability to speak about their problems. The damage caused by bottling up your feelings can do irreparable harm. I lost one of my best friends to suicide and my brother to an overdose. Both my friend and my brother refused to talk about their problems with a professional or with friends or family. Instead, they coped with that pain through alcohol and drug addictions, which exacerbated their issues and eventually led to their demise.

Your brain will find a coping mechanism to deal with pain one way or another. If you don’t address pain through expressing your feelings and talking about your fears and anxieties, the pain can lead you to unhealthy coping mechanisms like addiction. As painful as opening up to someone can be, that is far less painful than some of the potential alternatives.

Getting professional help is a sign of courage not weakness

Don’t listen to any stigma about mental health care, even if it comes from friends and family. Seeking professional help is responsible, courageous, and it is most certainly a sign of strength and not weakness. I have seen around six therapists over the last 20 years, and I can truly say that mental health professionals have been a key to turning my life around.

In addition to talking about problems that are often rooted in something deeper than the surface level, mental health professionals can help determine whether medication is a necessary step. For me, it certainly was. Once I was convinced to start taking depression and ADHD medication, I felt like a new person. Sometimes medication will lose its luster and treatment will require a new combination of prescriptions or doses, something I am currently dealing with right now, but it is crucial to talk with doctors to make sure you get back on track when you feel your medication loses its pop.

Manage expectations 

Managing expectations is certainly important to maintaining good mental health. This is something I have struggled with. During my late teens and early adulthood, I had unrealistic expectations of myself and others. When I and other people failed to meet my expectations, I was crushed.

Managing expectations in all aspects of life is important, but it is particularly important with careers, intimate relationships and friendships. If you hope for the best but prepare for the worst, you will be pleasantly surprised when things go the right way, and that mindset will soften the blow when they go the wrong way.

Be wary of naps

I love naps as much as the next person, which was a part of my problem for so many years. I used to take naps frequently in my late teens and 20s. This habit helped perpetuate a seemingly never-ending cycle of avoidance, unproductivity and shameful self-deprecation. I would feel overwhelmed and depressed, so I would take a nap to avoid my responsibilities and “reset” my brain. However, I would wake up with even less energy, the depression was still there, and so were the responsibilities I avoided, which made me hate myself.

Clinical depression sucks the energy out of you, so naps can be tempting, and when the task paralysis and avoidance symptoms of ADHD are added to the equation, naps are even more difficult to avoid. But finding healthier, more productive coping mechanisms to deal with depression and anxiety is imperative. Successful people don’t regularly take afternoon naps.

Try Journaling

Speaking of healthy coping mechanisms, let’s pivot to some healthy ways to deal with your problems. I have already mentioned talking about your problems and seeking professional help, when necessary, but there are certainly other healthy ways to cope.

Journaling is incredibly therapeutic. If you have issues talking out loud to others, at the very least try journaling your thoughts and feelings. Not only can journaling be a release, I’ve found it interesting to look back at previous entries to see if I noticed any patterns of thoughts or feelings over time, which might help with identifying the root of problems.

Do not isolate yourself

As hard as it is to be with people when you are going through a difficult time, it is important not to isolate. A night or two to yourself is fine, but extended isolation is not the answer. Fight through it and go to that party, see that movie with friends or go on that date you are tempted to skip. Humans need and crave social interaction, but just be careful which humans you choose when you are feeling fragile and vulnerable. That brings me to my next point.

The company you keep impacts your happiness

This one I can’t stress enough. This ties in with managing expectations. If people consistently disappoint you and cause you heartache, they do not belong in your life, and that includes the people closest to you. I have had to say goodbye to friends who were doing more harm than good, and that was extremely difficult but necessary. If you surround yourself with positive, productive, reliable and kind people, you are more likely to act the same way. The same is true for the opposite. If you surround yourself with negative, bitter, unproductive and rude people, you are more likely to be miserable.

‘When you’re going through hell, keep going’

This is my favorite Winston Churchill quote and one of my favorite quotes period. It’s something I have learned only recently. Anytime trauma or tragedy happened in my life, my answer was to shut down for prolonged periods of time. But after going through a three-year dysfunctional depression after my dad and brother died, I finally realized the worst thing you can do is to do nothing.

Dealing with life’s daily responsibilities is incredibly challenging when you are struggling, but life does not stop for our problems, and the distraction is necessary for healing. Facing adversity makes us stronger, and running from it makes us weaker. Coming out the other side a stronger person is a feeling that is hard to describe, but it is rewarding and a huge boost to my confidence.

Movement is medicine

When you feel like depression is sucking the life out of you, lying around and giving into that feeling makes things worse. Fighting through low energy and forcing yourself to do something physical, even if it is just going for a walk around the block, is important. Spending time outdoors is important. Humans need the sun. The sun has Vitamin D, which increases energy and has been proven to have a positive impact on mental health. Obviously, don’t bake in the sun all day, but certainly don’t isolate indoors.

Be kind and helpful to others

Religious leaders and philosophers have been preaching this for thousands of years. Treating others with kindness and helping people through selfless acts positively impacts our mental health as well as on the lives of others.

Christianity and other religions revolve around this principle. Philosophers like Plato and Kant focused heavily on ethics and morality and how to treat people. Whether it’s God or the categorical imperative, we all need a moral code to live by to keep us grounded.

You are your own biggest bully

This is the most important piece of advice I can share. We truly are our own biggest bullies. Nothing will hold you back in life more than self-esteem issues and a lack of confidence. I know this from experience. The worst things we think about ourselves are more than likely not shared by others. The damage we do to ourselves by second guessing are own abilities and obsessing over how we think others view us is unmatched. If you suffer from mental health problems, and you take away one thing, please let it be this: You are not a burden, you deserve to be happy, and you are worth far more than you think you are.