Lonely, I’m Mr. Lonely
I have nobody for my own
I’m so lonely, I’m Mr. Lonely
I have nobody for my own

Does anyone remember the 2005 Akon song, ‘Lonely’? If you are a traditionally aged college student (18-23), you were a toddler when this sick beat dropped. Am I showing my age? If you are over the age of 23, maybe you remember the MTV music video for this song. Either way, it aged well. Akon may not have known it at the time, but this verse could now serve as an anthem for the U.S. population today.

We are, indeed, lonely.

Are you lonely?

We are so lonely that in 2023 the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness a public health epidemic. But how? We live in a global digital economy. In a matter of seconds, I can Facetime a friend, call my dad, make a charitable contribution, or join a live stream from another continent. You can too. But, when was the last time you gave someone a hug? Met a friend for dinner? Volunteered? Attended a religious service? Smiled at a stranger?

Although we are clearly in an age of connectivity, people report being more disconnected than ever before, with one in three U.S. adults experiencing loneliness at least once per week, and younger adults (18-34) reporting the highest levels of loneliness (American Psychiatric Association, 2023).

According to the Surgeon General’s report, a lack of social connection poses a significant risk to individual health and longevity, so much so that the risks of prolonged isolation are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Ultimately, loneliness makes us more likely to die earlier. Excuse my language, but WTF?

So, why are we so lonely?

Social media? Perhaps, but the research remains inconsistent.

Shrinking social networks? Maybe.

Between 1985 and today, people report having fewer connections with their neighbors and community groups and find it difficult to identify a person whom they could discuss an important matter with (McPherson, Smith-Lovin, & Brashears, 2006). These people are often referred to as your ‘2 A.M. Friends’ or the friends/family who will always answer your call at 2 AM and offer support. Do you have a 2 A.M. Friend?

Maybe you are the 2 A.M. Friend. That can be lonely, too.

Okay, you get it. I’m lonely, you’re lonely, we’re all lonely. Boo-hoo

More importantly, what are we to do?

I would prefer to be less lonely and live longer.
How about you?

The Surgeon General has some tips for us:
• “Invest time in nurturing your relationships through consistent, frequent, and high-quality engagement with others.”
• “Seek out opportunities to serve and support others, either by helping your family, co-workers, friends, or strangers in your community or by participating in community service.”
• “Reduce practices that lead to feelings of disconnection from others. These include harmful and excessive social media use, time spent in unhealthy relationships, and disproportionate time in front of screens instead of people.”

Okay, but does it really work?

From personal experience, yeah, I think so. I never regret sharing coffee with a colleague, meeting my mom for lunch, having a glass of wine with my best girlfriend, putting my phone away at dinner with my husband, or volunteering on a weekend. In almost all cases, I feel better and more connected after nurturing those valuable relationships.

You know what though?

It takes work. Is it easier to scroll mindlessly on my phone? Yes. Is it numbing to binge-watch reality TV after a long day at work? Yes. Is it easy to cancel plans because I ‘just don’t feel like it?’ Sure.
Does it take effort to make plans? Follow-up? Show up? Yes.

But God, it is so worth it.

Rant over, but I’ll leave you with this.

If you are lonely, you are not alone. Even Akon was lonely in 2004. There’s hope!

Commit to doing one thing today that will make you less lonely tomorrow—just one thing. Call a friend. Make dinner plans.

Find someone and do something.

Anything.