In honor of April Fool’s Day, here are some hacks that are totally, 100% foolproof.

WHOOPEE CUSHION HACK

Have you ever wondered how you can walk through your room quietly without disturbing your roommates? All you have to do is inflate several whoopee cushions and place them in front of your path.

You will them walk on these inflated whoopee cushions which will make a loud noise that is supposed to help your roommates sleep. I tried this hack

in my dorm room with my roommate Christophe McPepperson. When I walked on the whoopee cushions to get to my bed, he woke up screaming in a fit of rage and terror.

Marcus Magneto is my next-door neighbor who also tried this hack because he was tired of his roommate complaining about him getting back to their room so late. In the middle of the night, I heard a scream so loud it shook the entire dorm and woke up every student who was sleeping peacefully.

OIL-DRINKING STUDY HACK

Now that you have made it to your dorm, hopefully, without disturbing your roommate, it’s time to brush your teeth and get prepared to study for your exam during a late-night study cram.

“How can I increase my brain power?” you ask yourself. The best way to increase brain power for studying is to drink a cup of cooking oil every night before you study.

The cooking oil will help stimulate your brain function which will help you process the information you take in, as well as help you to retain that information. The oil might taste like the worst thing you’ve ever had but it will be worth it when you pass that final exam of the semester.

McPepperson and I tried this hack for our big exam of the semester and I actually failed. You should try this hack but try olive oil. Maybe that’s why it didn’t work for me.

LAUNDRY SINK TRICK

Now that you aced your test, it’s time to clean up your dorm room. Wiping stuff down is no trouble, but there is that large pile of used clothes that continues to pile up over several days and or weeks.

The best way to clean your clothes without using a washer and dryer is to throw all your dirty clothes in a sink or fountain on campus. The water from the school is filled with minerals that will help to naturally clean without using soap, although your clothes might not smell the freshest.

My friend Cranjous McBasketball tried washing a shirt in one of the sinks at Misericordia in an effort to get rid of an ink stain caused by an exploding pen. Not only did the sink not remove the stain, it made the ink spread out more, enlarging the stain.

The shirt had gotten more wrinkled and also smelled slightly funky for some reason, making it virtually unwearable.

I hope these hacks have helped you to wash your clothes better, study easier and enter your dorm without disturbing your roommate.