Dear Editor:

I am writing to call attention to a campus parking issue, which I believe can be resolved with the care of faculty. I am forced to make my plea solely to faculty because my former letter to the editor of this publication—in which I requested an immediate halt to the self-serving, unapologetic publication of fake news—went unaddressed. Sad, indeed.

The issue is puff pollution, the multitudes of air-based tufts consisting of what appears to be animal fur, which emanate from the economical, compact automobile of Dr. Patrick Hamilton. I regularly park my car near to his, and seconds after I emerge, I notice that my car, shoes, clothes, and even my work bag is contaminated by a coating of fine, cotton-like white and grey fuzz.  Now, it may not be of note to Dr. Hamilton because this adulterating material would go unnoticed on finely creased khakis and wide striped rugby shirts, but the stuff positively befouls a chic palette of black.

Yes, one might argue that I should simply choose an alternative faculty parking spot, which inarguably will be much easier to do come fall, but I have already attempted that. On that particular day, I noticed a similar corrupting substance, but white in color somewhat less severe, wafting from the nearby car of Dr. Allan Austin, to whom Dr. Hamilton is a sidekick.

In closing, I wish to ask Dr. Hamilton to have consideration for humans, particularly those who do not wish to further enrich the owners of 3M stock, and rid his automobile and person of this contamination. While it is to be applauded that the campus is now smoke-free, concern about the community’s inhaled substances should further result in a ban on this form of air pollution, and I encourage the campus community to commence this work.

Sincerely,

Edward R. Tomorrow